As a young missionary, I began experiencing headaches. Not little uncomfortable things. Massive, severe… pain. Lots and lots of pain. I’d lock myself in a dark room and m3ake my companion have to sit in the apartment just waiting on me to feel well again. I went to the doctor, obviously. our conversation went something like this:
Doctor: “well, there are some possibilities.”
“It could be stress headaches, but based on your description, I don’t think that’s it”
“It could be migraines, but I don’t think that quite fits the bill”
“it could be some muscles spasming in your neck, but I don’t see any signs of that”
“it could be a tumor…”
“Let’s check your blood pressure”
“wait, it… what?”
“your blood pressure is high, did you exercise before this appointment? Or are you nervous about something?
“you… nervous? why would I be?”
“i’m going to order a cat scan on your brain, but let’s reduce your sodium intake for that blood pressure, okay?”
Turns out, the doctor said that my “brain is perfectly normal.” Take that, deniers! I didn’t have a tumor, but the headaches continued. The problem with headaches, and all neurological disorders, to be honest, is that there are HUNDREDS of possible factors that can lead to the same symptoms, so diagnosis can take a long time, if it ever really happens at all. My headaches didn’t fit the bill for migraines because they were too frequent and too short. I wasn’t really able to monitor frequency at the time because all I could concentrate on was the pain.
I believe in the Bible. I believe James’ council (5:14), I had the elders lay their hands on me and offer me a blessing of healing. What I got was not that. I remember KYLE BROGDON acting as voice for that blessing. I remember his determination to command my body to be whole, to heal. I remember this because it’s what we both wanted. We both wanted to be able to work, to not be limited by my headaches. I remember his almost… awkward?… hesitation as he gave me these words instead: “you will not be healed of this affliction. You will have these pains the remainder of your life.” If you’ve never had the Lord confirm truth to you, it may be a difficult thing to understand, but at that moment, I had the truth of his promise confirmed to my soul. At the time, I believed it to be limited to the headaches. I’ve been shown since that it is not my place to put limitations on the Lord.
My headaches haven’t gotten better. I’ve been able to identify that they happen 4-8 times a day, and last 30-90 minutes, which better fits cluster headaches than migraines, but I’ve no official diagnosis there, either.