Any detailed search can show that the significant majority of criminals have 2 legs. I don’t know why the media consistently chooses to ignore this fact. The statistics, however, show a clear correlation: bad guys have 2 legs.
During the course of this post, I’m sure to make some chuckle, some laugh and some grimace. There are those that will understand my meaning quickly, and take the point for what it is worth. Some will be offended, and still others may not understand me at all. Wherever you fall in the spectrum, please understand that while I have a very serious underlying message, the point is intended to be lighthearted and silly.
All puppies are born with a long tail. Within days, some version of the following conversation takes place between the owner of the puppy, and the puppy himself:
Owner: puppy, you’re old enough, it’s time to take you to the vet and get your tail cropped.
Puppy: oh, okay. Why does that mean?
O: well, the vet will numb your tail and humanly chop it off about 2 vertebrae above your bum. The whole thing is harms and necessary. Would you rather go tomorrow or today?
P: wait, chop it off? You can’t be serious?
O: of course I am. Dogs don’t have long tails. Would tomorrow or today be better?
P: can’t we talk about this? I don’t want my tail to be mutilated!
O: well, I guess we could keep it a little longer, just to show how reasonable I am. We’ll only chop off 3/4 of the tail. Would you rather do it today or tomorrow?
P: no, you don’t understand, I don’t want any part of my tail cut off! It’s mine, and I like it!
O: don’t be unreasonable! I’m willing to compromise, that’s why we’ll leave 25% of your tail! And just to show how reasonable I am, we’ll even wait until the day after tomorrow, so you can say goodbye to your tail, though I can’t imagine why you’d want to.
P: Compromise? Is there any form of compromise that doesn’t involve my tail being mutilated?
O: now you’re just being silly. Look, let’s just take off half of the tail. See how reasonable I am being?
P: no! Please, I don’t want any part of my tail removed.
O: well, your lack of reasonable compromise show that you aren’t even willing to engage in responsible conversation. We are going to the vet today and we’re taking off the whole tail! I’ve tried to negotiate with you, I’ve tried being responsible, I’ve tried compromise, but you’re just stubbornly clinging to your tail. Let’s go!
And the puppy whines all the way to the vet, who reasonably lops off most or even all of the dog’s tail, mutilating the dog to better fit the owner’s view of what “dog” looks like.
We all see how unreasonable the puppy is in this scenario, right? The owner just wanted to get things done, and was even willing to give up what he wanted to try to assuage the unreasonable puppy. Why wasn’t the puppy willing to just work to get things done? Instead the unreasonable puppy insisted on grandstanding and insisting that it should be his choice!
This brings us back to the opening paragraph:
the statistics all show that the vast majority of criminals have two legs. I propose that we, reasonably remove 1 leg from each person. Doing this would, of course, ensure that we would eliminate criminals from our society almost over night! Sure, we’d each be single amputees, but there would be no crime!
What? You want to keep both of your legs? Why? Are you a criminal? We’ve already shown that criminals have two legs! If you’re not a criminal, there should be nothing to worry about!
What? I’m being unreasonable!?! You can’t dispute my facts, and still insist that you need both legs. Clearly you either are a criminal or you support criminal behavior. Fine. We’ll just take your left foot. See how compromising I can be?
What? You want to keep your left foot? Now your just being deliberately difficult! Fine! You can keep your left foot, I’ll just take your right foot! Now, it’s time to stop this ridiculous…
What now?! You need both feet? You’re just grandstanding. We’re talking about common sense application of the science, and you keep whining about walking! Fine, we’ll take the 4 smaller toes on your right foot, the larger toe on the left. Even you can’t expect…
Seriously? You complain about that? You know what? I’ve tried to be reasonable! I’ve made every allowance! I’ve proposed compromise after compromise and you just dig in and make sure that nothing gets done! We’ll need to have some great executive just take control and make it happen!
Who is reasonable in these examples? Is the reasonable person he who compromises, or he that grandstands?
In our current political climate, we continually hear about how the American People just want congress and the president to “get things done,” people who will “reach across the isle,” or who will “make reasonable compromises.” But do you know what? I’m tired of the “reasonable compromises” of our values and principles. My argument is simply this: compromise is not good, it’s evil! Compromise, without fail, gives in to evil. It just does it more slowly than just giving in completely. Instead of someone who reaches across the isle to get things done, I will only support someone who will grandstand for the truth. It is not up for debate. There is no reasonable restriction to be had when it comes to my God-given rights.
But does that mean I don’t support bipartisanship? Certainly not! Those on the other side are more than welcome to compromise their points of view to join me! I say it partially in jest, but they are! Further, there are points on which we can almost all agree, even without any compromise. For example; we are failing our vets. Many are literally dying to get an appointment with the VA. This is not some kind of social welfare program, instead it is a contractually guaranteed benefit to our military, and we are failing them. There could reasonably be some discussion on how we resolve the problem, but that we resolve the problem cannot be compromised. Both sides agree, but yet nothing happens.
My challenge to you, reader, is to never throw your support behind someone willing to settle for just the amputation of your foot. Stand with those unwilling to give in, unwilling to compromise, and unwilling to surrender their values for political gain. Compromise is evil, not good.